That Heavy Feeling …
Do you ever wake up and feel heavy? I don’t mean weight wise. It has nothing to do with your actual weight, but it can feel like you have a weight on your shoulders or a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, that is weighing you down. It is not the nicest feeling, but that does not make it a bad feeling. Feelings are neither good or bad. They just are. I like to think of feelings as my body’s communication mechanism. It is as if our body has its own secret language which sometimes we do not fully understand. We know something is happening, but we are not sure what or why.
This morning I woke up with such a feeling. My shoulders felt like someone had placed one of those X-ray aprons on me. I could feel the weight on my shoulders. My stomach and pelvic area felt full and weighted. I had a vivid dream last night and that was also fresh in my mind. Sigh. I am processing so many things at the moment. The river of life is flowing fast and thankfully, I have learnt to be more fully present in each moment. Being fully present … even as I write this I am aware of my choice of words. Full -y. Full. My life is certainly full. It as if time has been expanded. Being fully present, means I am not looking back and living in the past and it also means I do not have my finger on the pause button of life, waiting for some future event to unfold. I can and do have a vision for my future, but I am not abandoning my present and building castles in the air that have no foundations on earth. Sigh.
Another awareness … grounding. Being here. Being present. Not running away from what I am feeling. Not running away from what is happening. Opening pandora’s box and turning to face, front on. It is only in our groundedness that our actions can take form. Visions, hopes and dreams are just that, until we ground them. Images of helium balloons fill my mind. Our visions, our dreams, our hopes are the helium balloons. Attaching a string allows us to anchor them, but we still need to hold on to the string or secure the string to something weighted and solid or the balloon will float away.
What if this heavy feeling is a grounding? A rubber hits the road kind of moment, where all I have been envisioning, intending and holding in my heart is materialising, manifesting, coming into being. I have never embarked on a so ambitious journey before and got this far. In the past my dreams or hopes have faded in the cold, harsh reality of sunlight. But this vision, this dream, has pulled me and called me consistently for so long now, that I can no longer I ignore the call. It still scares me, but as Lisa Nichols says, If your dream does not scare you, you are not dreaming big enough. I know I am dreaming big and it scares me.
The question is will I allow fear to grip me and stop my progress? Even as I type these words, I know the answer forming in my heart. NO! I can’t do that. The call and the pull is too strong, too persistent. I may take a breath or two or even three, to orientate myself and be present with that fear, but it is not taking the steering wheel. As Lisa says, fear can come along for the ride, but it can sit in the back seat.
That sinking feeling in my gut has vanished. My shoulders are still weighted down, but I am okay with this feeling. This is after all a new way of being. Completing things. Seeing them through to the very end, no matter the size or complexity of the task and sitting in the drivers seat, choosing where to put my energy and attention. Choosing the direction I am heading. Sigh. Another breath. You can do this. You know you can. All your life as brought you to this moment. Everything you have been through as provided the lessons you have needed to learn, the skills you have needed to master and you have all the tools in your tool belt. A leap from the lion’s head. Faith requires action. Life happens all around you. It is happening right now. We can not put things aside to come back and expect the river to be in the same place. We never step into the the same river twice. The current is always flowing. It is always changing. It is always moving. Are you ready to step into the river and be present with what is here right now? Are you ready to lean into life?
Yours in Happiness,
Karen
